Sometimes when you think you need to release one thing, something else happens and your whole direction shifts. I sat down to write this post about an entirely different topic but this post just feels necessary. They say that you shouldn’t respond or say things when your emotions are heightened but I don’t think that applies to writing about it, right? Whether it does or not — I am going for it.
I always preach to feel the feels, acknowledge them and to follow your intuition because I know that it is healthy and I know that it allows us to work through our emotions more effectively. I know this because I practice what I preach and because — self-care and research.
I am going to get a little personal with you because I am hopeful that it will help you to be real with yourself and with your emotions. I want you to [I need you to] understand the value of your own happiness and the importance of putting it first.
So here it goes.
In this moment, I am feeling anxious, proud, scared, and vulnerable. Over the last few weeks, I have gone through some tough feelings and those feelings stem from having to set boundaries, enforce them, and really stand by them.
Setting boundaries is so important for us to thrive as our truest self. We set boundaries to stand up for what we believe in and for how we want to be treated. They help us to embrace our individuality and protect our self-love. Boundaries are necessary with co-workers, friends and sometimes with our own families. The latter being the most difficult and the reason for my recent anxiety.
First and foremost, I feel it is necessary to mention that setting boundaries with your loved ones does not mean that you love them any less or that you think you are better than anyone. Boundaries are not meant to be a bad thing. They provide us with a way to establish healthy relationships with those that we surround ourselves with.
Tips for setting boundaries
- Rehearse the conversation so you are confident when you have your sit down
- Be clear and concise
- Acknowledge the other parties feelings
- Don’t feel the need to apologize for the boundaries you set
- Remember – boundaries are not meant to control others, they are meant to detail your needs
- Recognize that you may meet resistance but stay true to yourself.
- Stay strong
- Acknowledge the other parties feelings
Throughout my entire life, I have been a people pleaser. I have always tried to keep the peace and it has always been at my own expense. I have often battled thoughts like “don’t say that because that will upset ____,” “don’t feel this because they will think that’s stupid,” “don’t do it that way because they won’t approve.” Everything I did, or did not do, started with what someone else would think about it or how someone else would react. I have had everyone’s thoughts above my own up until this point in my life.
Many would say that putting everyone else above yourself is so kind. I agree but I also agree that it is detrimental to our self-growth and our own self-love. Compromising our feelings and our beliefs to make a situation better for someone else, causes us to fall out of alignment with ourselves and ultimately, things like anxiety and resentment surfaces.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love making others happy. I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this post if I didn’t. The problem arises when the people we are helping are only happy if what we do benefits them. I can no longer live a life where I help others at the expense of my own happiness.
I don’t want to be selfless — I want to be so abundantly myself. I want to stay true to myself. I want to stand up for myself and I want to do what makes me happy. I deserve that. We all deserve that. We all deserve abundant happiness.
I have spent so many years feeling, doing, or saying the “right thing” based on other peoples opinions. I’ve done this because the opinions have come from people I love and I truly felt that I was wrong if I didn’t think or act the way they wanted me to. I have gone through life thus far believing that the only way to be loved was to appease those in my life whom I wished to be loved by.
Setting boundaries shows strength, they protect our values and our morals, they allow us more time for those who jive with our energy, they strengthen relationships, they attract abundance in all areas of our life, and most importantly, they are good for us!
Some may think that this is entire post is selfish. Others will stand up and applaud my ability to follow my own heart and do what feels right to me. Both are completely okay. The thing is that we can’t possibly make everyone happy but we can control our own happiness.
I have said it before and I will say it over and over again. We all have the power to create our own happiness — to create the path that we want to follow. That includes our own thoughts, beliefs, actions, values, and morals. Sure people are going to have opinions about that. Accept the positive ones and release the negativity. This is your life. This is your path and you deserve happiness. Don’t give it up too easily.